History Will Teach Us Nothing...

Sting sings a song that is titled "History Will Teach Us Nothing" and from that we can draw the famous quote, "History will repeat itself". When history repeats itself I have noticed that it seems to be the bad that comes again and and again.....slavery, human rights violations, cruelty, pain and sorrow. I don't and won't pretend that what happened to me today is equal to any of that but it was a cruel little twist of fate. About seven years ago, the Monday before Halloween I had a Pampered Chef Party. I picked up a close friend of mine and on the way to the party (even though it was my party it was at my then mother-in-laws) she told me she was pregnant. When I got to the party that night my cousin's wife told us she was pregnant. I very flippantly said, "What the heck, every one else is pregnant, I must be too." I knew that I wasn't...I couldn't be.... Well, it just so happens that I was pregnant. I found out on Halloween.
I got a text today. One of my very close friends that also has PCOS found out she was pregnant. I am a shitty friend because I'm supposed to feel happy and it's not that I don't but once again all of the anger builds up. I am not angry at her. I am not angry at the baby. I am happy for them. I'm just insanely jealous and angry that it wasn't me. And here lies the twist of fate. Seven years later. ....it's the Monday before Halloween and I'm having a Pampered Chef Party. I just found out a very close friend of mine is preggo and my sister in law who is pregnant is coming tonight. But this time I know there is no hope for Halloween. I am recovering from surgery and apart from the negative I got at the beginning of the month, they also did a pregnancy test right before surgery.....so now i know it's doubly negative......nice......

There is a hole

Inside my heart

That's waiting just for you

your little arms

your little toes

your eyes and nose and mouth

this hole i have

it will never go

it can't be cured

it can't be filled

by anyone

or anything

except for you

my little dream

Baby Walston - I will never give up hope - you and your brother are and will be the best loved children ever.....